Rushing, Rushing, Rushing… then it’s there… alleluia

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Pushing the cart around Kroger at 5:00 p.m. and I think to myself – no one moves as fast as a mom squeezing in an errand before picking up the kids.  Coffee filters. Eggs. Yogurts.  The fuel that keeps this family running day to day. The next morning I find time FINALLY to sit down in the silence.  The house is quiet. Yesterday has been cleaned up. Today is before me.

Rushing, rushing, rushing… and then it’s there…alleluia.

Standing in my closet, I frantically debate back and forth on the shoes before me. I first choose the bronze flats but soon reverse course. It’s a cold day and they won’t quite cut it.  I place them back and pull out the red clogs. I think back to my college-self that wouldn’t be caught dead in the clogs. I place them on the ground and slip my feet in. I come downstairs and I remember who I am – one who is not defined by the choices I make in my closet.

Rushing, rushing, rushing… and then it’s there… alleluia.

Rounding the circle loop on the way to daycare, the sky shocks me out of my routine. Pink has broken out and splattered across the sunset. As my hands shift on the steering wheel and I slow down to take it in, it seems radical and extravagant. It seems like a extravagant painting that is being wasted on a busy mom rushing to get boys picked up and home for dinner.

Rushing, rushing, rushing… and then it’s there… alleluia.

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“the knowledge of impermanence that haunts our days is their very fragrance.”Joanna Macy translation of Rilke

“There it is… the curious promise of limited time.”  Carrie Newcomer

The details of my life – where I go, what I do, the food I eat, the words I write, the objects I construct, the to-do list I tackle – all will fade away with time.  All will slip into the vacuum that is the past.  With each hour, it consumes, discards, integrates, and relegates the lasting pieces to history.

In the silence as I find the time to pause, I face the impermanence of life.  Its presence brings fear but only temporarily.  As I wait it out, it no longer brings fear, only respect.  Only sober attention.  The patient persistence of Advent that brings me closer to the truth.

For the manner of my days will pass.  The toys that litter my floor will shape and morph as the boys grow older. The food that fills my refrigerator will vary as our tastes shift.  The clothes that cover my back will transform as trends come and go.  New challenges will emerge.  Old joys will find their end.  Loved ones will breathe their last.

And yet, no matter what life’s changes may bring, the lasting things will remain.

Fire that captivates the eye
Noises that draw me outside
Words that lodge within and rest awhile
Spirit that stirs and reawakens
Memories that sweeten with time
Love that evades my grasp
Hope that still survives

Rushing, rushing, rushing… and then it’s there… alleluia.

In the quiet moments, when pausing is possible, I find the time and I say “alleluia.”  Not just thank you, but alleluia. Awe for all that this life offers.

In a world of impermanence, may the true Lasting One guide me to the lasting things.

May I circle my life around these lasting things, like those who encircle a campfire – for light, for warmth, for life’s sweetness made real before me.

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